In The Slumber (nosleep)

I feel sick,
Unlike any other illness but, it’s just kind of unusual circumstances. I don’t know how this is started, I just know when.

Well first, let me tell you about myself. I’m always pleading myself about being anti-mainstream. I know, that is so immature and hipster-stuff but, what can I say ? That is just, me. It’s hard to be this kind of guy, don’t judge. This isn’t an obsession like, to be popular. In fact, I hate being popular. And let’s say I’m a.. collector. I love collecting things. Like, my shelf’s full of vinyl albums ! 10″ stuffs, Gold Editions of course, mostly that manufactured in the 1950s and early 1960s. That’s the years of albums that has the highest price. You can google that. I mean, who’s listening to them nowadays anyway ? This is weird but, I love things that you can’t even find anywhere in the world. Everything to be anti-mainstream. Not just these albums. Everything I will do to get those things.
In other words, I’m collecting stuff that you DON’T have.

So, my indisposition,
This started after the incident, the worst night, the most horrible night. When some kind of man came into my house and murdered my parents. Them heads chopped off from the body and somehow I found them in my room in the morning. But I’m safe without a scratch. The killer doesn’t seemed interested in me. That was fortunate but still, very strange. And like any other killing-related and crime stories, the slayer never seemed to be found.

That was 5 months ago. Now, I’m living with my lovely fiance in a sweet little house. We had some fight recently, she told me earlier that she doesn’t want to live with me. But yeah, I did it, with some sweet talk and flattery. Girls loved that. She still getting used to the idea of us living together. She doesn’t like to move or talk much. But, we are happy. And we shouldn’t lost in a moment and had to move on from this, right ?
But even I moved out somewhere else far away from there, the sick feeling never nearly ends. I never had a good taste in food ever since, and ended up with throwing up instead, particularly breakfast. I’m just don’t feel hungry. Like, I’d NEVER feel like to eat again.
What I believe is, the incident was too intense for me that make me feel unpleasant all of the time. I mean, they were my parents, who wouldn’t ?

Spooky_House_by_Mattamatikk

But this sickness, is too much for me. I can’t eat food like I used to. I know I’m not hungry but you know, the desire to eat delicious scrambled eggs and cakes. But yet the scent making me sick. And the other thing is, sometimes I could smell something slab, overtime. Especially when there are people near me, on the crowd or just sitting beside some guy at the bar. I couldn’t describe that, it’s just kind of unusual smell but I swear it’s very familiar for me. Otherwise, I’m always feeling so damn tired in every morning. I know, I used to cry almost in the every evening, thoughts about losing my parents, homeland. But I’m sure I went to bed afterwards. And it shouldn’t have to be like this. Every morning feels like hell, so exhausted and sleepy. This came to my works and performance that didn’t result fine, and my boss is furious. I know that this is a new job for me after I decided to moving out, but still. I’ve tried to talk to him about the reason I didn’t give much contribution into the company. I’m fucking dead tired overtime. But he’s just being a dick. He’s not very grateful about my reason yet called me a slug.
I HATE HIM

One of my co-worker suggested me to do some general check-ups at the central hospital. So last week I went there to check up my health and my medical history. The doctor said I’m fine, the morning fatigue won’t be a thing, if I can just decrease my night activities.
That is silly. I never thought about doing something in the night. This has no point.

At least that’s what I believe.

So, I went to bed a little early tonight.
This evening is so beautiful. Calm neighborhood night, everyone at their state of peaceful dream, even the moon shines so bright and big and.. very gorgeous. I could feel the smell of cold dirt and grass, and the lovely chant of crickets.
This night reminds me of some previous episodes from my life.

I woke up this morning,
And something really drawing my attention in my mind after. The exhaustion as always, but really damn intense as I could barely take a sit at the edge of my bed. I rub my lazy eyelid, tried to clearly see around my room.
And the following sights is something like a torso, laying in my room with it’s head chopped off. Blood stained everywhere.
It’s my boss’s

I’m casually leaned back towards my bed, setting up my turntables beside it.
The plate said “The Valquins – Falling Star, Minnesota Records, 1959″.
What a magnificent music I would say.

Contemplating about the occurrence in front of me,
Doubtless it’s gonna be my new lovely collection.

I never tell a lie

Don’t be afraid of me.
Instead, I’m here to help you.

Remember you always said that you don’t want to be alone ? Well, I’m ready to accompany you. I’ll stay on your side and protect you.

For me on your side, you’ll never be lonely again.
I’m not that type of “Just call me and I’ll be there”. In fact, I’m always on your side. I’m not leaving you.

I am everywhere. Even when you can’t see me.
Even in the darkness.

When you walking through a dark hallway, don’t turn your back.
I know you’re scared, but I’m there with you. No need to be afraid.

Maybe you’ll get chills on your spine along with my presence.
But don’t worry. That was a normal case.

Instead, what if you follow me ?
I’ll show you my world.

I know you have such misery in your world.
You suffer enough, and I can free you. We will happy together.
This is the place you always dream about.

You know what ?
You can stay there with me forever.

Please, just follow me. I’ve got your back, you can trust me.
Just leave your belongings, you won’t need it

I need no one.
I just need you.

I’m so lonely.
Because nobody trust me.

If you want

I’ve got a lot of interesting things in my mind. You don’t have to be my friend to hear it.
Just come closer, and I’ll tell you. If you want.

You don’t even have to talk. Let me do my talking, just relax and be a good listener.

I’ll even play my favorite song for you.
You could change to yours if you don’t like mine. Just say it and let me do it for you. If you want.

If you don’t like the subject, just tell me what do you want to hear. And I’ll try my best to learn about it. But don’t bother explain it, I’ll do it myself. If you want.

Or tell me something about your day, some subject that you interested. I won’t say no. If you want.

Just tell me what is wrong with your world.
And if you don’t feel like to tell me about it, I understand. I won’t ask.

But if you do, let me hear it and I’ll try my best to give you my opinion. If you want.

And you know what ? If you hate someone and you would like to talking trash in person but you couldn’t do it, just do it in front of me. I won’t mad. If you want.

I can even cheer you up. I can play guitar.
But tell me if I’m bad at it. I will stop then. If you want.

Wait, what is it ? The room is too cold ? You can use my favorite blanket while you listening to my story. And if you like it, just bring it home. If you want.

Or instead, I’m being too noisy and annoying ? Just tell me and I will shut up.

And in the end if you don’t like me, or either hate me,
You can leave me forever.

I don’t even know you.
I will forget you too.

If you want.

Watch your back (nosleep)

Please concern safety for yourself, your family, and everybody that you loved, please
’cause I felt something that isn’t quite right
I think something is trying to do something bad to us
And everytime I notice that something’s not right, there’s absolutely something caught slipped in my eye
Something that, whatever it is, tried to escape from my mind
Or just some sort of, hiding from me because it knows that I noticed
Just like kids playing hide and seek

Maybe I’m just overlooked for something
But I’m just gonna warn you, okay ? Don’t tell me if I never did if something hits you, someday

So, let me tell about this kind of thing
It comes to you unexpectedly. You won’t event notice it
Or, I hope that this is just my opinion that,
it ALWAYS BESIDE you
And it will be gone until you notice that something’s there
Like it’s immediately hide from you for whatever reason
And will come back to you later after you forget about it,
Preparing something bad for you on from your side
I don’t know, I hope I was wrong
But for my own cases, this theory explains everything and I’m sure 100% this was right

Whatever it is, I’m pretty sure that this isn’t come for something good
Everytime I feel it’s presence, I’ve got shivers down my spine, nausea on my stomach, and any other not-so-grateful feeling about myself

My advise is
Just, prepare for ANYTHING that wouldn’t go well for you and your family
Because this is gonna be horrible and you wouldn’t like it a bit
Do EVERYTHING you can do to save them

GOOD LUCK

It’s for you, dammit !

you must know that happiness, when you’ve got something’s you hoped for
when everything goes as you expected
but what does that happiness mean, if sharing isn’t an option for you
what kind of happiness if is it something that no one can even BELIEVE that your feeling is right ?

you see, A LOT of people needs your help
people needs are diverse, but one thing. just ONE thing from general
is they need HAPPINESS
something that you could share to them

you could see them faces
they’re smiling
it seems so cheerful from the outside, to keep you pleasant
to keep your beauty shine
it’s all for you

but looks carefully
it’s a GLOOMY smile, EXHAUSTED of being so desperate in their life
it’s a forced beatitude for everyone’s sake. including YOU
they are HELPING us
they SHARED their slight, scrimpy leftover happiness FOR YOU
like, why the hell don’t you acknowledged their existence ?

without them, there is no way we can live peacefully like this
the earth won’t even spinning. it’s just.. a thing, that floating on the space

just, DO SOMETHING !

POOF !

what a day

the day to fulfill my anxiousness. the day of the answer of my lifetime demanding
it’s not a good day, though it’s not a bad day either
just, unlucky
or maybe not enough fighting for
I don’t know
what do I know ?

I don’t even know where I’m head to right now
About this stuff nor about my own feeling
I mean, RIGHT NOW
all that I know that I USED to have such the best feeling ever
a feeling to gain my everyday spirit, and vitality
who told me to get up after being smacked by reality. who raised my bravery to face my fears
who held my hands when I walked in the darkness. who snapped me out of my tears
who waved at me when I need companion. who caught me when I slipped
who I thought..
that you’re everything for me

I don’t even care about your non-perfect stuff. like, why should I ?
when I looked into your eyes, I just saw happiness
it was like wiped away all of my past sorrows
and brought it all back in front of me by become the most grateful and treasure moments
like, bringing my wilted flowers come blooming and be the first witnessing the summer comes
then the sun rises from it’s dwelling and come smiling at it’s most gracious at me

and all of that just, gone
like poof and going nope

them feelings just fell at full speed into the deepest pit of the abyss
like the gravity’s too high at this point and all I could do is screaming, the loudest yet the most silence scream ever. a scream from my heart
a scream that no one could hear
even you
or I’m just not welcoming the sadness into me when I looked at you

because It’s NOT your fault

Black Rose Rises

“There ! I see him !”

I said it like I’ve never trust my eyes before
the wicked man running like hell untouched as the shadow blended with the light
we’re kind of lucky catching up him in the middle of the day. when it hits the night, we could barely move instead of running away from his deadly presence

we’re just regular soldier, not trained to facing up these kind of things
but however, our duty is to protect the kingdom against danger. even get ourselves killed is the jeopardy

and once for a sudden, my heart stops beating
I can’t breathe
but it’s not like i had heart attack or something
i’m still alive,
but

what ?
I CAN’T FUCKING MOVE !

this mad man running around on our group in an evil way ever possible
the phantom man keeps appearing and then I lost him again in A SECOND
you’ll never know where’s he heading to, or show up where
he’s just,
KILLING EVERYBODY
and the more time we spend here, the more soldier we used to lose
but, every time I manage to move, I feel like I couldn’t do it a bit
we are none but is a no match for this wicked-phantom guy. I don’t even know how to call him
but his power, the way he’s taking out our men ONE BY ONE in front of my very eyes. is maybe, or exactly would be the worst living nightmare ever happened
I mean, what is this ?
this is like a horror story for kids, but the terror is REAL
sweat just flowing on my neck, bone has nothing but chills. even my nose is bleeding, i can feel the warm liquid flowing down up to my mouth
I feel like just standing here waiting for him to turning my neck, and leave this situation, forever
because you don’t want to live like this

If only I could move my body,
I better KILL MYSELF